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August 21, 2003

A Null Set In The Class Of All Classes Not Part Of Any Given Class

I've finally learned not to insist on being grindingly logical in an intrinsically absurd world, you only drive yourself crazy. In a better world, the Israelis and Palestinians would be turning the desert into Eden, my nephew Daniel would be in Colorado getting to know Maeci better instead of trudging around the Iraqi countryside getting shot at, relationships would heal and I would be happy most of the time.

Oh, don't get me wrong -- life is much better now then it was at this time last year. I shudder to remember; I had just lost my job, my wife was out of town Monday thru Friday every week, my daughter was in school all day and just about everybody that I counted on for support had left. There's nothing like just sitting in the living room with both dogs watching you with this puzzled look on their faces. "Hey, what are you doing here at this time of the day?" Four walls and nobody to talk to... But out of that experience came faith that there is a purpose for everything and everybody. I discovered which friends were real and which ones were mere illusion. Most importantly I discovered that I was given the strength to forge ahead with God at my side. Not a bad deal in hindsight, but it sure was a scary ride at the time.

Still, things aren't "quite right" here, and it's hard to pin down just what is wrong. I guess I'm still getting used to this introspective stuff, and it's still difficult to tune out all of the background noise and just think about things. Hell, it's been difficult to even sit down here at the computer and write lately! So what's bothering Mark? Beats the hell out of me! Work is fine, if you like that sort of thing. Home life is about the same as always, though I'll be forever grateful when Denise finishes writing her book and gets it to the publisher. Tennis continues to improve, though there are so many maxims of the doubles game that I need to recall so that I don't make those "idiot boy" mistakes during the point, but thank God for finally mastering that topspin serve.

I used to think that I had a handle on why I was here on this planet and what purpose I served. I'm not so sure anymore. So I tired to apply logic to the situation. It's served me well through life, and has guided me through some tough situations. Alas, it's not a logical world... I sometimes wonder what it would be like to just look out for Number One. Search for what will make me happy, then pursue it with lead pipe cruelty. Why honor commitments and vows? Nobody else seems to care about them anymore.

But that's not any way to live either. So the task is ahead of me, trying to make sense out of a senseless world. Perhaps its that the reason that I've been put here has changed -- but what is it? I've felt the wind, and I've seen the power of earthquakes. I've been touched by fire and still I can't make any sense of it. So all that remains is finding the strength, and willpower, to sit still and listen for a whisper...

Posted by mjwoods at August 21, 2003 11:05 PM

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